Q: Should a
couple expect a gift at their first anniversary party? My friend is
having a get together to celebrate her first anniversary, her
daughter’s birthday, and Father’s Day—all of which are on the same
day. I don’t feel they should expect gifts from their guests. I
helped to give the bridal shower and purchased a wedding gift. What
is the correct thing to do?
A: It’s hard to
imagine what others expect. The situation is awkward because (except
for housewarmings) people don’t usually host parties at which they
will be the guests of honor (i.e., gift recipients). I personally
would bring a single gift to cover all three occasions (and serve as
a lovely hostess gift as well). For under $20 you could give a small
photo album or a picture frame that holds several pictures. If you
have them, insert a few photos of the family members. Leave other
frames open for pictures to be taken on Sunday, the day they will
commemorate the three special events. You might include with your
gift an inexpensive disposable camera for taking the pictures. If,
by the end of the evening, you are feeling particularly generous,
you could even offer to have the pictures developed for them.
Q: My father
recently was admitted to a nursing home. The staff of nurses—four
men and 21 women—have been wonderful to him as they are to every
patient in their care. With the holidays approaching I've been
racking my brain for group gift ideas for these truly amazing
caregivers. Any advice would be truly appreciated.
A: There are
several nice ways to thank an entire nursing staff. Here are just a
few:
-
Arrange for
a catered—but unobtrusive—breakfast, brunch, lunch, dinner, or
midnight snack (depending on the shift).
-
Stock the
nurses' pantry with instant soup mixes, crackers, and microwave
popcorn, or fill the refrigerator with an assortment of juice
drinks.
-
Send a
flower arrangement, potted plant, assortment of books, or
magazine subscription for the nurses' station or lounge.
-
Or, for a
gift that keeps on giving, you could give a nurses' lounge candy
jar (a large glass canister or bowl [even a fish bowl] would be
perfect) that you stock on a regular basis with a variety of
wrapped candies including seasonal favorites for Halloween,
Christmas, Easter, etc.
Q: If I
happen to give a gift someone likes—a
favorite food, flower, or fragrance, for example—I
then tend to give the same gift year after year. Although this makes
gift giving easy for me, I wonder if others become weary of the
routine.
A: Be careful
not to abandon that same-gift-every-year practice too hastily.
Others might expect and enjoy the predictability of your gifts. If
you think this might be the case, mention to your recipients that
you're considering something new for your holiday gifts this year.
This will provide you with valuable feedback, and help to manage
their expectations. If you want to break the routine, but the
recipient enjoys your predictable gifts, you might try jazzing up
the wrapping or presentation of the gift.
Q: I have an
Aunt who has Alzheimer’s and is in a care center. Do you have any
ideas for appropriate gifts?
A: Here
are a few ideas off the top of my head: A comfy robe or pair
of slippers; photos arranged in an album or in frames; a generous
supply of her favorite treat; a cassette tape player with taped
messages from loved ones; an on-site hairstyling, manicure, or
pedicure; a magazine subscription; a bulletin board for hanging
pictures, cards, and other memorabilia.
Q: I’m writing
an article on gift giving and am wondering if you could give me some
examples of life-changing gifts.
A: I love a
challenge and in the few minutes I’ve had to think about
life-changing gifts, I’ve come up with the following:
- A
discovery flight and/or flight simulation software (my son
received both of these as gifts and is now on his way to a
pilot’s license, definitely something that has changed his life)
- Computer
training (especially for older people who feel computer
challenged)
- A
speed-reading course (great for students)
- A mini
makeover (make-up consulting, a new hair style, teeth whitening,
etc.) can boost self-esteem)
- A new
outfit for an important job interview
- A
consultation with a professional resume writer (might help snag
a dream job)
-
Motivational tapes (but be careful these are something the
recipient wants and not something you’re giving to hint to self
improvement)
-
Inspirational books or music
-
Skydiving or another adventure (something they’ll talk about
forever)
- Classes
or counseling to overcome a phobia that keeps the recipient from
enjoying life (i.e., fear of flying, fear of crowds, fear of
elevators, etc.)
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