Q: When
are gifts obligatory?
A: Never,
although there are occasions for which they are customary. While it
is not necessary to send a gift for every graduation, baby, or
wedding announcement you receive, you will surely want to give a
gift if you attend a baby shower, graduation party, or wedding
reception.
Q: Is
there a gift that is perfect for every occasion?
A: There is, of
course, no single gift that is perfect for every occasion. I have
found, however, that the best gifts share the following
characteristics:
-
Appropriateness. The perfect gift is fitting for the occasion
and the relationship.
-
Perceptiveness. The perfect gift reflects the giver's
attentiveness to the tastes and preferences of the recipient. In
essence, it's a compliment that says, "When I saw this, I
couldn't help but think of you!"
-
Selflessness. The perfect gift reveals that the giver's only
desire is to please the recipient—expecting nothing in return.
-
Generosity.
The perfect gift is a generous endowment of the giver's time,
effort, or creativity.
-
Indulgence.
The perfect gift says there is something extraordinary about the
recipient in the eyes of the giver—it pampers, it humors, it
appeases, it satisfies.
-
Surprise.
The perfect gift—or its presentation—is a surprise.
-
Evocation.
The perfect gift moves the recipient—it elicits an emotional
response or evokes a sentiment
Q: What do
gifts reveal about the giver?
A: Gifts reveal
a giver's motives, attentiveness, thoughtfulness, and generosity—or
lack thereof. Through the gifts a giver chooses, she reveals whether
or not she understands what will bring pleasure, stir an emotion, or
evoke a sentiment in the recipient.
Q: How can
people overcome their gift-giving anxiety?
A: Stop looking
at gift giving like it’s a chore or obligation. Think of it more as
a celebration. Gifts are simply tangible objects that convey our
feelings or sentiments. Think first of the message you want to
express (i.e., love, congratulations, hope, condolence, welcome,
passion, thanks, etc.) and then choose whatever object best embodies
that message.
Q: What
should I do when someone gives me a holiday present and I don't have
a gift for him or her?
A: First, thank
the giver for the gift. Graciously express your pleasure—even your
genuine surprise—at such a thoughtful gesture. The worst thing you
can do is make the giver feel he or she has made you uncomfortable.
Follow up with a sincere thank-you note. If you feel so inclined,
reciprocate with a gift at the next appropriate opportunity. By
doing so, however, you could be entering into a long-term gift
relationship. Be sure you're ready for such a commitment.
Q: How did you
come up with the idea to write a book on gift giving?
A: My husband,
Larry, and I were invited to a birthday party that one of the
managers in Larry's office was throwing for herself. This meant
finding a gift for someone about whom we knew precious little. I
figured there must be a book—somewhere—with advice on giving gifts
to anyone, anywhere, for any occasion. As it turned out, there was
no such book. (I even searched the Library of Congress.) As I spoke
with others about this dilemma, it became apparent that my husband
and I were not the only ones who could benefit from information
about gift giving. Ultimately, that's what compelled me to "write
the book" on gift giving.
Q: Why do good
people give bad gifts?
A: Probably for
as many reasons as there are people. Some don’t take the time to do
the necessary detective work. Others assume if they like the gift,
the recipient will like it too, without taking into consideration
the recipient’s personal preferences. Some use the
“it’s-the-thought-that-counts” excuse. Others don’t stop to consider
the messages their gifts convey. And others simply have not learned
the steps to giving great gifts. (That’s where Present Perfect:
Unforgettable Gifts for Every Occasion comes in
handy.)
Q: You get to
the store, find a few gifts, but just can't decide which one to buy.
What criteria do you use to make your decision?
A: I suggest a
variation on the Grab-and-Release Technique—a technique I came up
with for shoppers who grab the first thing they see. While
considering each potential gift, ask yourself these questions:
"Could I explain to the recipient why I chose this gift and why I
want him or her to have it?" "Is it generous, yet within my means?"
And, "Will this item, coming from me, please the recipient?" If you
do not answer "yes" to all three questions, choose something else.
Q: What is
the single best piece of advice you can give to gift givers?
A: It's
not the thought—but the thinking—that counts. Determine what you
want your gift to say before you set out to find the gift itself. In
other words, choose your message, and then choose the object that
best conveys that message.
Q: What
are some common gift-giving mistakes people make?
A: There are
several:
-
giving gifts
that hint to change or self improvement on the recipient's part
-
spending too
much or too little time, effort, creativity, or money
-
giving in to
advertising hype
-
waiting
until the last minute
-
giving gifts
with strings attached
-
giving gifts
beneath the giver's or the recipient's taste level
-
giving gifts
the giver likes without considering the wants of the recipient
-
giving gifts
only when they are expected
Q: How do
I tactfully receive unwanted or disappointing presents?
A: With
gratitude, surprise, appreciation, and regard for the feelings of
the giver, just as you would a gift you do like. Think of something
kind to say about the gift or the giver—and then say it with as much
sincerity as you can muster. But be careful: if it's not your style
to gush over great gifts, do not feign enthusiasm over bad ones. And
remember, it's up to you whether to keep the gift, give it away,
exchange it, or discard it.
Q: I'm so
afraid people won't like the gifts I choose that I just get them
whatever they ask for. But this takes all the surprise out of gift
giving. What can I do?
A: If you can
afford to do so, add an element of surprise to your gifts by
upgrading the recipient's request. Simply give a nicer version of
the gift than he or she expects. Or with a little help from the
recipient's friends and family, you might be able to come up with a
gift the recipient has not requested but would adore. If there is no
way to make the gift itself a surprise, make the presentation a
surprise. Take the recipient to a special place to present your gift
or lead the recipient to the gift with a series of clues. When
brainstorming for gift ideas, list everything that pops into your
mind, whether it's within your budget or not. You might find related
items in your price range that would make great gifts. Here are ways
to uncover gift possibilities:
-
Observe
interests and needs through the way he lives, works, and plays.
-
Look through
catalogs and magazines pertaining to her interests and
affiliations.
-
Surf the
Internet.
-
Go window
shopping with him.
-
Ask her
friends or relatives what she might like.
-
Exchange
wish lists or "carelessly" leave them where they might be found.
-
Listen for
hints.
-
Use your
intuition.
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